I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
