One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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