Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
