i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
