i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
