I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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