i just sent this text using only my big toe
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
