No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
