My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The beer is more important than you right now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
