Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!

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  (310): YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??! http://tfl.nu/ltdu
  Replies (55) Good night (8781) Bad night (818)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open

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  (480): you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open http://tfl.nu/9jy5
  Replies (18) Good night (4842) Bad night (798)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.

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  (610): A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex. http://tfl.nu/u4lo
  Replies (29) Good night (6118) Bad night (1242)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE

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  (203): We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE http://tfl.nu/bmko
  Replies (7) Good night (3845) Bad night (964)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.

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  (865): Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night. http://tfl.nu/cs1a
  Replies (22) Good night (650) Bad night (2887)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.

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  (914): He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon. http://tfl.nu/hf2o
  Replies (20) Good night (3471) Bad night (685)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.

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  (804): he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself. http://tfl.nu/dcvq
  Replies (1) Good night (1107) Bad night (662)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.

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  (651): You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions. http://tfl.nu/alli
  Replies (8) Good night (1947) Bad night (760)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.

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  (216): And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win. http://tfl.nu/kl48
  Replies (2) Good night (1473) Bad night (599)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."

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  (270): how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards." http://tfl.nu/tgkg
  Replies (6) Good night (1853) Bad night (653)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first

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  (312): Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first http://tfl.nu/6e2a
  Replies (3) Good night (969) Bad night (1113)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?

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  (217): I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right? http://tfl.nu/k5yu
  Replies (11) Good night (647) Bad night (982)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?

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  (509): I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood. (609): That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do? http://tfl.nu/arvc
  Replies (7) Good night (1728) Bad night (518)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!

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  (502): Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors! http://tfl.nu/muzx
  Replies (3) Good night (1060) Bad night (522)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.

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  (260): Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you. http://tfl.nu/7qhe
  Replies (0) Good night (783) Bad night (400)

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