the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever