How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
