Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
