Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
