I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
