Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
