; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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