Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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