so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
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