and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
White coat. Heels.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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