Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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