i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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