Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
