yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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