No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
