Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
