he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
