You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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