It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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