There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
