LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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