I wanna bring you to show and tell
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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