I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
