I'm really into asian looking animals
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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