he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize