Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
