dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The air taste purple.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
