How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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