Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
