I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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