My nipple is on Facebook.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
