All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
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Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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