I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
