i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
