FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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