$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
