i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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