Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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