I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
