I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize