her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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