My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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