is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
