If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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