Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
