Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
