dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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