i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
