you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
