All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
