You really coming over, don't trick.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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