she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
