So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
