I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
