Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
