cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
time to smoke my breakfast
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
