Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The adults are the big ones right?
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