Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
