come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
