is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
