what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
