Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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