I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
