i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
