Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
