ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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