shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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