Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Pooping to opera.
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