Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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