Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
