I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just cut my nipple shaving
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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