yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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