i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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