I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
