i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
