too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
