I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
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Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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