as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
