Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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